consensual delusion

Hiding behind the curtain.

2010-03-04T10:24:00.001-05:00

This started out as a comment to a post from my friend, Rabbi Amy Small, but as I was composing it, I realized that it's context was better suited to its own post.

In my minds eye, the ability to laugh at oneself is a both an indication of how one enjoys life as well as a marker of one's confidence in living. At a Purim play and carnival, Rabbi Amy Joy Small took on some rather unconventional roles that evidently caused some to pause. Why? Perhaps because she was acting outside of how a Rabbi is stereotypically perceived. To varying degrees, I think the title "Rabbi" generally evokes images of a more dour, serious and older male in most people. Further, I think synagogue evokes the image of a sacred, serious and somewhat solemn place controlled by a rigid hierarchy of wise and near perfect learned men.

With no disrespect intended, its all a bit like the Wizard of Oz as presented in the film; an awe inspiring individual whose perceived power lies in his mastery of arcane information. He resides in the most sacred section of the great Emerald City, protected by guards and limiting his contact with the citizenry who look to him for leadership and guidance. As such, his legend and mystique are based more upon managed perception then the actuality of deeds and character. It is only when this "wizard" is inadvertently unveiled by an animal, which is immune to the crafted personae, is revealed to be a mere man hiding behind a curtain, that the "wizard" acknowledges his humanity, faults and all. By understanding and accepting his own shortcomings rather than focusing on living up to the image he created, he is now free to see the strengths of others and he is able to open their eyes to these qualities.

In actuality a Rabbi puts on her pants one leg at a time (just like everyone else) and a synagogue is just a structure where the congregation (i.e. community) can gather together. What makes our congregation both distinct and appealing to many is that our shared humanity, quirks and strengths are honestly embraced and accepted. A culture of seeing everyone as a person who has value and must be respected is continually emphasized and fostered. And this does not just apply to congregants or even just Jews, but to all individuals. I saw this immediately when as a family we joined many years ago (it was at my wife's behest as I had no desire to join anything). I have continually told my kids that our synagogue, our congregation is a place where you can see how regular people, including clergy, lay leadership and members all bring in divergent perspectives and idiosyncrasies but they are united by the goal of trying act unselfishly, responsibly and with true concern for others. And by others, I mean all others. That is the ultimate take away and that is why we belong here.

Don't ever for one second believe that you are in control.

2010-03-01T09:26:00.002-05:00

About 9 1/2 years ago, a friend of mine was about to a begin working at a new firm. He pursued this position diligently, lobbying hard, selling his qualifications and the potential impact he could have on the company's business. And when he was chosen, he was truly elated, as this position afforded him an phenomenal opportunity to advance in his career. So one beautiful late summer morning he woke up extra early, left his home in northern NJ and arrived eagerly at his new employer. Upon arrival, he was undoubtedly presented with stacks of forms from HR and left in some cubicle to fill them out alone. Then the first plane crashed into the tower. He left behind a wife and small kids, one just barely a year old.

This past Friday, the 15 year old son of friends left for an adventure as an exchange student. He too was undoubtedly excited about the wonderful experiences and opportunities that would unfold over the next 4 months. He would meet new friends, experience a new culture and elevate his Spanish skills to a new level. And then with in 24 hours of his arrival in Santiago, one of the largest earthquakes in modern times struck Chile. Fortunately, he was unharmed but the last that I heard, he has still yet to actually speak to his parents.

These are 2 personal examples of the world being turned upside down instantly; one caused by the senseless yet well planned action of a few men and another brought on seemingly at random by our very world. No one is immune from these exogenous events. They may not be life threatening but your life will be changed. While you can't control external factors, you can control yourself. The only course of action is to simply accept the reality of the situation and respond appropriately. Whether that is making a last call to your wife and telling her that you love her or working closely with others for a common goal. Regardless of the outcome, every situation, good or bad, whether we realize it or not, presents us with an opportunity. It may not be the opportunity that we are looking for or one that we even want, but we don't have that choice. However we do have the choice, or rather the responsibility to ourselves, to see these opportunities and seize them. Our lives are composed of a continuous stream of these moments. Don't waste them. Make each one count. Make every moment your last moment.

Michael, you will not forgotten. Zach we all look forward to your safe return.

I don't care if you don't care.

2010-02-18T14:07:00.001-05:00

No, I am not referring to the lyrics of Green Day's Jesus of Suburbia. It is how I continually explain to my kids, my brother and even my parents that I will support, help out and get involved in various aspects of their lives, but they need to lead. It is their lives, their choices. If its important to them, then it is important to me. If they are not going to take a stake in something, make the required investment and demonstrate effort, then they should not expect me to take responsibility for it.

The other night my brother called up and asked me to come over and help him out with something. It was late, the streets were icy and it would have been really inconvenient for me to drive the 30 minutes over to his place. I asked him to look for something, with the intent of eventually trying to talk him through what needed do be done and then if he could not do it, I would come over. But it didn't happen that way. He got annoyed and told me that he was not good at this kind of thing and he didn't want to look for the wire that I asked him to find. So I said good bye and hung up.

The next morning he called again and told me that he didn't appreciate how I acted or spoke to him. He was really angry. I said to him, "if you don't care enough about your own situation to try and work through it, then frankly I don't care either. If you call me up and ask for my help at 10:00 PM but can't take the time or show some effort and look for the wire that you need to solve your problem, you can't possibly expect me stop what I am doing and come over to your place."

He calmed down and thanked me for explaining my position to him. So I told him what to look for and we began working through his problem. And it was my pleasure to help him out.

You can't get there from here, because you are already there.

2010-02-03T19:53:00.003-05:00

My friend, Rabbi Amy Joy Small, posted an article that illustrates how we can long for and even try to chase down simplicity but never actually achieve it. She points out that it is not just about doing less stuff, but that we actually need to take time for ourselves, to replenish and regain our perspective. For example, after a challenging day, Rabbi Amy comes home and says that she wants to be a muffin maker in her next life (how many Rabbis do you know that not only address but are making plans for their reincarnation?). But then she quickly recognizes that this is simply a transient reaction to the frustrations of her day, which still linger, fresh in her mind. And with that, she lets go of both the day and its associated stresses.

I would take her concept even further. From my perspective it is not about doing anything, be it doing more or doing less; it is about how we, as individuals, choose to perceive our own situations in any given moment. For example, on Monday you hate your job and you are determined to quit. On Tuesday you are let go. On Wednesday you wake up and desperately long for the job that you were about to quit 2 days before. Would you feel different if you actually quit on Monday? The end result is the same, it is just your perception of the moment that is different.

I've written about how our science is unable to understand or even identify what makes up "reality". Frankly it doesn't (or isn't) matter. Actuality simply is. Reality is an illusion, it is what we each choose to impart to actuality. My reality is not your reality. And its not hers or the cat in the box's reality. While they are all separate and distinct, they share many overlapping points of commonality which conveniently provide us with a frame of reference in which can interact and share experiences. It is those shared experiences, the interactions with those we love and care about, caring about and extending help to those who we don't and may never know and simply finding the value in a given moment which impart that elusive satisfaction into our own lives.

Lemonade: the movie

2010-02-03T18:02:00.002-05:00

This is worth 35 minutes of your time. Things happen. Sometimes things happen that you just can't control. Stop reacting and start responding. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your life. Close your eyes and sit quietly. Deep down inside you know exactly what you want to do. What you need to do. Hold that thought for the next 35 minutes. Watch this movie. Be inspired. Be inspiring. Technorati Tags: Lemonade, responding

Uninvited to the party.

2010-02-02T18:01:00.003-05:00

An old college friend brought this poll to my attention. It was taken by phone and comprised of 2003 registered Republicans that were spread across the US. The actual results of the poll are not surprising to me, they just clearly illustrate the degree of polarization that has taken hold among the US population.

I was a life long Republican, but over the last several years, I have become increasingly uncomfortable with many of the positions that the party has adopted. Positions, which I consider so extreme, that I can no longer participate in the process, within that framework. That said, the Democrats have also staked out some extreme positions, all be it, polar opposite from their Republican contemporaries. And as a consequence, our political system (in the US) seems to be caught between the proverbial irresistible force and the immovable object. From my perspective, politics on both sides of the aisle, are increasingly defined by personal agendas, short-sighted reasoning and intractable positions designed to remake the social fabric of the country into their respective images. The system has devolved into a battlefield of a zero sum ideological civil war, where the biggest losers are the ordinary citizens, whose interests, these politicos ostensibly represent.

When our nation was founded, assuming the mantle leadership resulted in significant personal sacrifices for the participating individuals. Most left behind farms, businesses and families in order to serve their fellow citizens. Being human, they certainly had differing opinions, personal quirks and were undoubtedly subject to the same desires, prejudices and insecurities that plague us today. However they somehow managed, as individuals, to transcend their petty differences and personal weaknesses and embrace a commonality of purpose thus governing with higher ideals.

So where are those men and women today who can govern in that same spirit of unity for the clear benefit of the entire citizenry and our nation's future? I believe that for the most part, these individuals are already in place. They simply need to remember why they are there in the first place and they too can cast aside divisive reactionary behaviors and move beyond petty agendas. However it is incumbent upon us, as citizens, to remind them of who they can become and what they can accomplish. Now lets do our part so they can do theirs.

Technorati Tags: Republican, Democrat, Daily Kos

now easier and more convenient than ever...

2010-02-01T19:40:00.001-05:00

I am both surprised and humbled by the continual increase in traffic to this blog. To those that take the time to read it, I genuinely thank you. In an effort to make it both more accessible and convenient, I have set-up parallel feeds on Google’s blogspot service and the Wordpress hosted service. If you find this blog useful, insightful or entertaining in anyway, I would sincerely appreciate it if you recommend it to a friend.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read Consensual Delusion. I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

What matters most.

2010-01-25T05:50:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, Number Two was Bar Mitzvah'd. Towards the end of the service, Number One, my wife and I, all had the opportunity to individually address Number Two and the 250 or so people in attendance. I took the podium after they both finished. As the audience was enjoying my intentionally humorous dialogue, it was abruptly interrupted by something just short of wrestling match, described by one guest as "a refreshing and honest public display of family dysfunction". Number Two turned off my microphone. Number One hijacked my "flowchart". And on a live mic, my wife was insisting that my talk was too long. As a consequence, I only got to present the funny stuff, which while enjoyable to the audience, left me a bit unfulfilled.

So this past Saturday night, at a fund raiser, I was given the opportunity to finish my speech. I began by giving the audience the back-story that I provided above. Then I delivered the ending, and as I always prefer to speak unscripted and spontaneously, this is approximately what I said:

“It doesn’t matter what your job is, how much money you make or how much money is in your bank account. It doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive, how big your house is or what town you live in. It doesn’t matter what your clothes look like or what the labels inside them say. Life by itself is essentially pointless. It is up to you to give it meaning. And all the people we care about, those that are with us today and those that are absent, all our family, all of our friends and our entire community; they are why we are here. We give meaning to each other’s lives. And that is what is truly important. That is what matters most."

And then with uncharacteristic brevity, I just thanked everyone and left the podium.

So I told my kids what I did and what I said. And they kind of understood the message intellectually but I didn't think it really resonated to their core. So I asked them this question. "If you were living in Haiti and came home to find a pile of rubble where your house had been, what would you dig for? Would you dig for your ipod or your macbook? For your new shirt or jeans? of course not, you would dig for your family, your friends or anyone else who might have been in the house. And you would not stop digging despite how tired you were or if your fingers were bleeding because those lives are our most important treasures." And then they got it. They really got it.

The begining of the end or how regionalism can transform our republic

2010-01-20T06:24:00.000-05:00

Back in 1989, I came to conclusion that it was highly probable that the Soviet Union would fracture. Granted it was 2 years early but the signs were clear; overspending, rising nationalism, a distracted and overextended foreign policy and an uncontrolled shifting away from a centralized totalitarian government.

A few years later, during Bill Clinton's Presidency, I became concerned that rising regional discord brought on by a tax system that was now shifting tax receipts between states, rather than applying those funds on a federally prioritized basis, would start the US down a similar path. My argument was that citizens were clearly more concerned about local issues and problems and resent their tax dollars being "exported" and applied to those of another state located across the country. For example, my home state of New Jersey, as a percentage of federal spending applied to each state, sends more dollars to Washington then it receives back. So effectively federal tax dollars raised in NJ are being sent to California to address their fiscal mismanagement when the money could stay local and be applied to NJ's own fiscal mismanagement.

Yesterday, the people of Massachusetts, a traditionally liberal and democratic state, reacted en masse, along those lines. As Massachusetts requires it's residence to carry health insurance or incur financial penalties (sound familiar), approximately 97% of the population are insured. Additionally, those whose incomes are low enough, qualify for subsidized insurance paid for by state taxation. So what happened yesterday? The people of the commonwealth of Massachusetts elected to put their interests first. They have a working system that effectively provides universal coverage and they are already heavily taxed; it is completely understandable that they do not want to subsidize health insurance coverage in other states.

To be clear, I am not judging or advocating any political positions. I am not suggesting that the US will fall into another civil war and "Balkanize". I am simply pointing out what I see as a trend that will undoubtedly have a significant effect on the social, economic and political landscape in the years to come.

The more enduring tragedy of Haiti

2010-01-18T09:07:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago, 90 percent of the planet could not find Haiti on the map. Two weeks from now, 90 percent of the planet will have forgotten her. Two weeks ago, mothers were feeding their children biscuits made from dirt and cooking oil. Laying them to sleep onto bed-bug infested mats and tattered blankets. The make shift houses, constructed of piled cinder blocks, corrugated steel scrap and whatever else they could scavenge, provided some shelter from the harsh tropical rain but not from the swarms of mosquitoes carrying Dengue Fever, a deadly menace where their only defense is the acrid smoke of burning garbage that hung ever present in the hot, humid tropical air. Two weeks from now, I can only hope, that they will have that much as the news cycle will have passed her by. And the world will turn its attention elsewhere. And then with out warning, somewhere else, the people who have the least will be beset by another truly horrific occurrence. And the world will come rushing in and slowly fade away. Again. And again.

Spanning the globe?

2010-01-15T04:16:00.000-05:00

Every now and then I check out the analytic data on who is actually reading these posts and the results simply amaze me. Here are some stats from outside of the US over the last 30 days:

someone in Rogaska Slatina, Slovenia has been back 4 times in the last 3 weeks

someone in Jakarta, Indonesia started on my discussion of why I don't like to use the word, God, and then proceeded to spend the next 11 minutes going reading my posts only to then come back for more the next day.

in the UK, readers reside in London, Bath, Leeds, Hailsham, Aberdeen, Aveley, Bristol, Kirkintillock, Edgbaston, Camberely and Nottingham

Scandinavia is represented by Stockholm, Kerava (Finland) and Trondheim (Norway)

My riff on the stupidity of war went over well with some new visitors in Sydney and Moscow

Additionally, readers from France, Spain, Germany, Croatia, India, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Denmark, New Zealand, Taiwan, the Philippines, Ecuador, Chile and Canada have all honored me by taking the time to read some of my posts.

Thank you all for taking the time to both read and think about my thoughts. I look forward to hearing some of yours. If you find a post particularly interesting or insightful, please pass it on to your friends.

Peace.

Plagued by the meaning of the plagues. Or what would MLK say?

2010-01-14T16:05:00.000-05:00

Number Two chose this weekend for his Bar Mitzvah. He wanted it to coincide with our national observance honoring Dr. Martin Luther King and the continual struggle to bring equality to all members of our society. He also chose it because it happened to be the passages in the book of Exodus where the God of the Israelites unleashes the first of the 10 plagues on Pharaoh and the people of Egypt.

He wrote an insightful D'var Torah, or teaching, that discusses the relationship of MLK and the struggle of all righteous individuals to move our society toward one of equality and Moses bringing the word of God to Pharaoh and the demand to let the Israelites go. Number Two put his soul into this lesson. He lives his life by simply not tolerating acts of inequality, oppression or cruelty. And that makes me proud.

My disconnect comes when he talks about the power of the God of Israel; a forceful "kick-ass" God who is portrayed as intent on sending a message to both the Israelites and the Egyptians. My disconnect is not with my son, but with the actual the passage in Exodus 9:15-16 "I could have stretched forth My hand and stricken you [Pharaoh] and your people with pestilence, and you would have been effaced from the earth. Nevertheless I have spared you for this purpose: in order to show you My power and in order that My fame may resound throughout the world."

In my mind, the plagues are acts of compassion, not a demonstration of force and vengence. The God of creation could have not only wiped the Egyptians from the face of the Earth, but from history itself, however they were his children too. So we are witnesses to the sequence of plagues, delivered as increasingly severe but measured responses, only after Pharaoh repeatedly rejects each demand to let the people go. Acts of compassion. That may not be the traditional interpretation or even the non-traditional interpretation, but its mine. And I would believe that is the lesson that was truly meant to be resounded throughout the world. What would MLK say?

Becoming a man (whether you want to or not).

2010-01-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

This Saturday Number Two becomes a man. He will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah. If only becoming a man was that simple, my job would be done. At 13 years and 5 weeks I could send him off into the world with a clear conscience and the utmost confidence that he had been thoroughly prepared for what lies ahead. I know that sometimes he thinks that he's ready to go out on his own and it would free up some of my time, but I just can't do it.

Sorry Number Two, its not happening. Despite the fact that I am really proud of how mature, sensitive and confident you are, we still have some work to do. I still have some work to do. You see, I can't really be a man until I actually have that aforementioned clear conscience and utmost confidence that I have done everything that I could to help you become a man. I guess we're stuck with each for at least a few more years. And I'm going to enjoy every minute of them.

When the only tool you have is a hammer, the whole world looks like a nail.

2010-01-08T08:25:00.000-05:00

Our society is built upon information. The appropriate application of information can drive an economy forward, topple a government or save someone's life. So it would seem natural that to be successful in our endeavors we should focus on acquiring more information. And acquire it faster than the next person. And react to it even faster.

This is our society; more and faster. Faster and more. A society that by definition is in constant transition yet is composed of individuals who innately crave stability. So is it any wonder that even in "good times" people feel unsettled? That they feel a need to escape? To self medicate? Or even abrogate a degree of self determination? Of course not, that is simply a consequence of being continually overwhelmed by a world that demands more and faster.

As we embark on the 2nd decade of the 21st century, how can we possibly cope with our own individual stresses much less advance our society when the processes we use were developed centuries ago? We can mindlessly apply variations of the same things over and over again or we can re-imagine the future as well as our intertwined collective and individual destinies. We can continue to value ourselves from an an external perspective or we can shift our focus toward understanding ourselves internally. And we can continue to proclaim that we value life, free thought and liberty or we actually can. Its time to get some new tools.

2010 is calling. How will you answer?

2009-12-31T07:03:00.000-05:00

The good news: in the last 20 years the total number of armed conflicts across the globe has been reduced by almost 60%, the number of ongoing conflicts has dropped by 50% and the world's displaced population has decreased by 16%.

The bad news: Globally, there are almost 80 wars currently being waged and of these, 29 are ongoing, sustained conflicts. The total number of refugees and internally displaced people as a result of war is currently about 42 million -which is equivalent to the combined population of the 44 largest cities in the United States.

Viewed from afar, statistics show conditions are certainly improving. Viewed from the ground, in a refugee camp, somewhere in the Democratic Republic of Congo, each day is a living hell.

Hoping 2010 will be better, will do nothing to actually make it better. So take it upon yourself to insure that in some small way it is better. If you have a little extra, please pass it on to those who have nothing. If you have a voice, please use it for those who can not or will not be heard. 2010 is an opportunity to do something good. To act selflessly. To become something bigger than yourself 365 times. Make the most of it. Happy New Year and go in peace.

The Wildcat: turning weakness into strength by changing the game.

2009-12-28T05:30:00.000-05:00

A few Sunday mornings ago, I was out early, driving Number 2 to see some friends. We began to talk about the day's upcoming football games. This was the first week that Mark Sanchez was sidelined as the Jets' quarterback, turning the role over to his back-up. Number 2 expressed a degree of pessimism regarding the outcome. I told him that I thought it opened up a lot of opportunity to play unconventionally. To use the Wildcat.

If you are unfamiliar, you can read about the wildcat in the link above. Essentially it bypasses the quarterback and snaps the ball directly to the running back, effectively confusing the defense. Miami has used it extensively and effectively after the potential career ending injury sustained by their QB, former Jet, Chad Pennington. It works best against a truly disciplined and precision coached team like the Patriots. It completely befuddles them. As a digression, in my opinion, that is how the NY Giants beat the Patriots in Superbowl XLII: Eli Manning seemed a bit unsure what plays he was going to call, this instability actually worked for them against the highly prepared and mechanically precise Patriots.

Back to the car. As our conversation continued, I told him that he could apply the Wildcat to anything. He could change the game inside the game, turning disadvantages into advantages. The spirit of the Wildcat is to not just think bigger and broader, but to think differently. To unconventionally apply what is available right now in order to break through the status quo. The Wildcat is the leap of faith. It is the spark of invention. It is the path of the most resourceful and unconventional. And it truly does change the game.

When you hit a wall, encounter a problem or come upon a challenge which may seem too formidable to attempt, turn the situation into an opportunity. Become a game changer. Become the Wildcat.

war: what is it good for? absolutely nothing.

2009-12-07T07:30:00.000-05:00

Are we as a nation becoming desensitized to war? Desensitized to the physical and emotional damage, both immediate and delayed, that is being sustained by our children, siblings and parents? Desensitized to what we are asking these men and women to do? To what we are asking them to endure day after day, month after month and year after year? Desensitized to the consequences of our actions as a nation as well as the consequences of our individual actions or inaction with regard to the events which are unfolding around us?

When will war become obsolete? When the thought of waging war becomes too horrendous to for nations, NGOs and individuals to contemplate. When the true effects of war are universally recognized and understood, both intellectually and emotionally. When we collectively and individually decide to look across the table, across the street, across town, across our country and across our borders and see people as people. As sons and daughters. As mothers and fathers. As husbands and wives. As people that love and are loved. As people without added labels, descriptions, qualifiers or other words tacked on that are designed to separate them from ourselves.

Unachievable? Utopian nonsense? Impossible? Perhaps today but who knows about tomorrow or the day after that. Someone has to be the first one. Perhaps that someone will be you?

Blind alleys and dead ends.

2009-11-13T04:13:00.000-05:00

I drove number one to school today. On the ride over, I mentioned to him that I had started working on a new story. I asked him if he would read it and give me some feedback. He is always my harshest critic; I value his opinion as he is frank and his observations are generally both helpful and insightful. He asked me what it was about so I started to outline the plot. It is an experimental piece that may be categorized as "post-modern" fiction, where the varied writing styles are as much a part of the work as the plot. I did not tell him this, I just described the basic plot.

He asked me a few a questions and then told me that it did not sound like a literary work. I responded "Shakespeare's works were not considered literary when they were written."

He snapped back "So you are comparing yourself to Shakespeare?"

I answered him quietly. "No, you are comparing me to Shakespeare. I just asked if you would read my story."

I have a problem with God.

2009-11-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

I have a problem with God. Or more precisely, I have a problem with the word God. I believe it is a product of convenience: a word created by humans to describe the indescribable. An artificial semantic construct that subtly shifts the inconceivable into the realm of the near tangible. It is a word that allows us to apply convention to something that is not just far beyond our physical capability for understanding but something that is seemingly beyond our abilities of abstraction and imagination.

By assigning a linguistic, etymological or symbolic value to that which can not be described, we simultaneously limit its scope and define it in our own terms, dragging it into the world of matter and energy in which we reside. And I believe that is both supremely arrogant and more importantly, a disservice to ourselves as it inhibits our ability to connect with something that is paradoxical and life altering.

As previously mentioned, the universe that we all know, the universe in which we exist, the universe described by Newton, Einstein, Bohr and Hawking comprises less than 4% of what astrophysicists can currently measure. Physically, we have no choice but take up space and conform to the limitations of this tangible universe. However we are not just physical. Thoughts are not physical. Insights are not physical and love is certainly not physical. We just choose to define and relate to them exclusively in physical terms. And by doing that, we limit ourselves from truly being who we are and experiencing that which can not be described.

Fail 7 out 10 times and you are truly extraordinary.

2009-11-02T08:09:00.000-05:00

I am not a big baseball fan primarily because it requires a large time commitment to really follow any given team. A regular season schedule is 162 games played from April through October. That is 5-7 games per week over a 7 month period. If you are a starting player, you are going to bat on average about 3.5 times per game which corresponds to 500+ "at bats" over the course of a season. A batting average or relationship of hits to at bats is one of the defining benchmarks in the sport. The absolute best lifetime batting average belongs to Ty Cobb at .367 while Derek Jeter is ranked 65th with a .317 average.

So what is the take away from all of this? If you ask a random person how they would characterize someone who fails 7 out of 10 times when they are doing their job expect to hear words like mediocre, loser or pathetic. But in Baseball, failing 7 out of 10 times at bat elevates you to one of the best of the best. So in baseball as in life, persistence and consistency rather than perfection is what ultimately determines success and defines a person's efforts. Go ahead, swing and miss -just make sure that you get back up to bat.

getting punched and getting insight.

2009-10-30T07:50:00.000-04:00

Due to illness, this was my first full week of sparring in the last 3. Early in the week, I was out of sync: my body was shaking off the ring rust and my mind was less focused, less in the moment than is required to both punch and avoid being punched. So as my mind was wandering and body was being beaten, I had a few of insights that I believe have a wider application than exclusively to boxing.

The first is the distinction between chasing and pursuing. When I found myself chasing, I inevitably lost my balance, relaxed my stance and loosened my guard. And before I could reposition myself, my opponent would see the opening, hit me and knock me further off-balance. And then he would hit me again and again. He was pursuing, intelligently advancing his position by making the most of the opportunity at hand. In other words, he was capitalizing on my mistakes and weaknesses.

My second insight is embarrassingly basic; if you are going to stand still, directly in front of someone who is trying to hit you, you are eventually going to get hit. My innate style is to continuously move around. When I'm hitting the bags I practice punching while moving side to side, up and down and in and out. Never the less, on several occasions early in the week, I found myself squared off and just trading punches. A war of attrition may be advantageous in certain situations but it is not a productive, proactive long-term strategy. Even when you win you loose.

The last insight is not new, but frankly it probably enabled me to have to prior two. It is the duality of maintaining an unemotional composure so when something is not working, it can be clearly perceived and appropriate response can taken. This is contrasted with the characteristic of continuously analyzing and understanding why something is working so the momentum of the situation can be maintained or even better, increased. Combined the 2 can be articulated more simply; being in the moment with out being overcome by the moment.

Oil drilling and seismic activity -just a coincidence?

2009-09-30T06:53:00.000-04:00

First and foremost, my thoughts along with millions of others are with the people of Samoa, American Samoa and Indonesia who have been affected by the 2 earthquakes which occurred in the last 12 hours. Hopefully a fast response by international relief agencies will minimize the effects of these tragedies along with the devastation from the recent typhoon in the Philippines.

Current scientific consensus holds that in our solar system, only the Earth is geologically unstable. As far as I know, it is also the only planet where oil is actively being pumped out of the ground in ever increasing quantities from ever increasing depths. Earthquakes occur when opposing plates that make up the Earth's crust slip as they are squeezed up against each other. The number of seismic incidents is increasing on a year over year basis. Is there an 800 lb gorilla in the room that is being ignored?

I am not a geologist (though I lived with one for 5 years during college) but I have to ask the question; does removing ever increasing amounts of a non-self-replenishing, non-evaporating, non-compressible and viscous fluid located inside, below and between these plates effect the overall tectonic system? I don't know if the crude oil functions as a lubricant, a shock-absorber or simply a space occupier propping up the Earth's crust but the engineer inside me has to hypothesize that there must be some systemic consequences to its removal.

It is thoughts like this that can make you nostalgic for a simpler time when all we had to think about were things like melting polar ice caps and a hole in the ozone layer.

An opportunity to be like God.

2009-09-29T08:35:00.000-04:00

I have a few thoughts after the culmination of the Jewish New Year and the practice of asking God for forgiveness. In a perfect life, one would be so completely in the moment that all acts and thoughts of ill, greed and other assorted malevolent behaviors would be caught and neutralized before any damage was done. That is certainly something to aspire to, but in the interim honest objective self-reflection and acknowledgment of our thoughts and actions is all that we have. So digging deeply, feeling the empathy and truly asking for forgiveness is a very positive process. But it is only half of our responsibility.

The second part is the absolute necessity for us to forgive. Holding, feeling and reacting to the ills directed at you not only keeps them alive, it nurtures them and allows them to consume you. One of my favorite Buddhist sayings is "Hatred is like a hot coal, the longer you hold onto it the more intensely you are burned" -I actually want to get that tattooed to the inside of my forearm so I will remember to live it, but that is a post for a different day.

Forgiving is about asking for something, forgiveness is about giving something away. All religions ask of God. Here is an opportunity to be like God, all you have to do is forgive.

Consensual Delusion called "close to profound" on NY Times Blog

2009-09-25T12:30:00.000-04:00

Frankly I was amazed to see a post by Tina Kelley on the very excellent NY Times Local blog linking to my August 17 post about my oldest son's birth and how it changed my perceptions. She gets my vote for the Pulitzer -thanks Tina!!

Should we laugh or cry?

2009-09-23T03:55:00.000-04:00

My sister-in-law (the one from Boston) once called me a right-wing-wacko. The one from Milwaukee just called me a wacko. I have also been called a communist, a fascist as well as a slew of pejoratives that would make George Carlin blush. My point is that no one has ever called me or accused me of being a Move-on fanatic. Regardless, as a self-described fiscal conservative, social progressive and all-around agitator of thought (or thoughtlessness) I felt compelled to pass this video on. Something Terrible is Happening! Will Ferrell & friends

Should we laugh at the surgically shaped satire or cry about the pressing social ills infecting our nation? Perhaps we should try something really radical; rational discourse, unemotional and objective reasoning framed by the goal of leading to the best outcome for the citizens of our nation.

for full disclosure: my wife is a physician as is my brother-in-law, sister-in-law and father-in-law. Numerous other close friends and extended family are also physicians or work in health care related fields. Constructive reform of the system is not going to advance my family or myself economically. But maybe at some point it will help inch our society just a little closer to one of collective compassion. And I can gladly accept that prognosis.

Rethinking winning.

2009-09-13T07:10:00.000-04:00

I did not see the Serena Williams / Kim Clijsters match last night but I read about it this morning. While Serena's behavior seemed inconsistent with her public personae, it served as a catalyst for me to think about competition, not just at the most elite levels but on an everyday basis. And consequently I thought about what it means to win.

Winning today is interpreted as defeating an opponent. It is thought of as a zero sum experience, and in too many cases, winning seems to be all that matters so the ends justifying the means is too readily accepted.

The dictionary definition of winning makes no mention of defeat. It speaks of overcoming adversity, reaching goals and expending great effort. That leads me to believe that winning is internal. The struggle is with ourselves. The real victory is overcoming our deficits, improving as a consequence of our experiences and endeavors and being completely honest with ourselves, not only with regard to our performance but the adherence to our values. If the effort is sincere, the intention is true and the actions are honorable then you have won. Even if the match goes the other way.

Advice from long ago on a day of remembrance.

2009-09-11T08:21:00.000-04:00

Many years before September 11, 2001, I was given the most wonderful advice by the most unlikely source. It was simple and to the point: "Do not worry about the evil, just concentrate on doing the good." That moment was transformational and still lives with me today.

So when you remember the events of 8 years ago, please take an additional moment and acknowledge all those that have been touched by violence. No matter how large or how small the acts, whether perpetrated en masse or individually and those that are documented but especially those that have been forgotten, please extend empathy.

Despite the current state of the planet, despite our collective history, I know that our legacy is not cruelty, callousness and brutality. It is concern, compassion and forgiveness. Hate begets hate. Violence begets violence. Vengeance begets vengeance. And love begets love. "Do not worry about the evil, just concentrate on doing the good."

And he spoke...

2009-09-08T08:56:00.000-04:00

Well the President, our President, spoke to some school kids today. I have not heard any reports of youngsters, lined up like lemmings, walking over to the edge and doing something unthinkable. Perhaps his hypnotic skills are waning, perhaps his subliminal messages were just a bit too subtle. Or perhaps this whole fuss is the most insulting, ridiculous load of b.s. to be offered up in long time.

The guy is our President. He was was elected. There were no hanging chads, electoral college mishaps or Chicago-style rumors of fraud. He is a good guy that inherited a sinking ship, shouldn't we be helping him bail out the water, patch it up and right the old lady?

His message was one of personal responsibility and individual achievement. Sounds like the kind of values that the Gipper would endorse. Maybe that's why I voted for both of them.

Facebook'n with Bob Spehalski

2009-09-06T08:47:00.000-04:00

I have not spoken to Bob Spehalski since he graduated from college in 1981. Bob is a few years older than me and back then was one of the most responsible, thoughtful and selfless guys you could ever hope to meet. I, on the other hand, was arrogant, selfish and immature. Recently Bob and I became reconnected on Facebook. We had an interesting exchange with regards to health care that I believe warrants being formally memorialized.

It started when several friends posted this message as their status: No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.

I posted it as my status and this is what transpired.

Bob: I'm glad to hear you don't support ObamaCare

Dan: The only death tribunals that I see are run by the for profit insurance companies. Medicare seems to work efficiently and effectively. And no dies, suffers or goes broke being humane. Now that is settled, don't get me started on the cost vs. Value of college!

Dan: IMO, as humans we have a collective and individual responsibility to look after each other. Not that gvt or especially big gvt is correct, efficient or most importantly compassionate, it just happens to be in place and with applied activism can be harnessed to help protect those who are not able to protect themselves. The responsibility of a democracy is to protect the rights of the minority while carrying out the will of the majority.

Bob: The United States is not a democracy Dan. If you want to know how the a government run healthcare system treats its people, check out Oregon. If you have a terminal illness and it is too expensive to keep you alive, they send you a letter denying to pay for care, but are compassionate enough to offer at drug to let you go out painlessly. Like you might do to your dog.

Dan: Bob, I understand that the US operates as republic but our country, culture and society are inextricably tied to the philosophies and principles of democracy.

I can not talk to the Oregon point as I simply don't have the facts. I do know that no one covered by Medicare has been euthanized. I also know that for profit insurance companies are primarily focused on operating health as opposed to patient health.

What I am intrigued about is your strong emotional reaction. I'd like to better understand where you are coming from as a step toward broadening my perspective and engaging in meaningful dialogue.

Bob: Dan, I agree with your original principles, who wouldn't. But my reaction is coming from my strong opinion that government run healthcare has the very real potential of severely limiting personal freedoms and choices in all areas of our lives. In addition, I think it will ultimately come down to a choice of either rationing healthcare or bankrupting the country. This is pretty much what has happened whenever and wherever it has been tried or currently exists. Maybe Medicare works for the relatively few that are currently on it, but I don't feel it would be sustainable for all.

Dan: OK, from an economic perspective the health care system is just broken and consequently it costs all of us too much. The insurance companies exist to maximize profit, pitting providers against subscribers. Take a look at the current and immediate past complaints brought against them by the attorney generals in all 50 states.

re: uncovered citizens, they currently get service via charity care at public hospitals, which you pay for indirectly. By incorporating them into a system, care costs will be reduced purely by the nature of how treatment is delivered. Couple that with well care and an economic impact can be made. Add tort reform and enforcement of pharmaceutical cos with regard to marketing and patent abuse and you have a new game.

Of course the moral obligation is still the primary one but there are sound economic advantages.

re: limiting choice, if you have money, you can choose what, when and where. Reform or reconstruction is not going to change that.

From the above you can tell that Bob is still a thoughtful, selfless and really nice guy. He is just earning more money, paying a mortgage, putting kids through college, saving for retirement and concerned about the state of our economy. Bob is responsible and obviously expects a degree of responsibility from our elected leaders. And that is the real issue. Are our elected officials acting responsibly? Are they putting their own personal and partisan issues aside and working for the citizenry? Are they too invested in what is and as a consequence ignoring what can be? Are we, the people, holding them accountable? Unfortunately at this juncture, I think Bob and I both agree that the answers are all no.

Are we worth remembering.

2009-08-19T10:47:00.000-04:00

How is a society ultimately judged by history? One criteria is by the art left behind and how its most helpless, most insignificant members were treated. Think about the massive monuments created by the Egyptians and the stories of oppressive slavery. Or consider the Romans with their great architectural and engineering triumphs created in parallel with the persecution of Christians, Jews and other "barbarian" slaves.

How will we be remembered? As I write today, I am less concerned about our art and literature, however I am deeply concerned about how we so casually, rationally and systematically marginalize or even worse, ignore the weakest among us.

In 2009 America, the richest, most powerful, most free nation in the history of history, how many kids, no how many people go to bed hungry? How many people go to bed afraid of violence perpetrated inside the family and how many go to bed scared of the violence from without? How many live with not just the fear of getting sick but with the fear of not being able to get help?

Will we be remembered as a society that could have been more? That could been better but chose to turn a blind eye to mercy, empathy and caring for our own? A society that allowed the larger broader concepts of real justice and righteousness to be institutionally obfuscated until the issues could be lacquered over or just swept away with the election cycle rhetoric?

It is usually really hard to look inward and be honest. It is often painful and upsetting. And the thought of it may be foreign and scary. But looking inward with an unbiased eye is essential to grow and become better. To become something worth remembering. To create a society in which it is truly worth living.

Lone wolf or Lonely wolves: Why we are better together.

2009-08-18T12:41:00.000-04:00

Everyone is familiar with the iconic image of the solitary hero overcoming long odds to defeat a much larger and seemingly unassailable opponent; John Wayne's numerous portrayals, Bruce Willis in the Die Hard films, Clint Eastwood's roles as the stranger & Dirty Harry and James Bond in his various manifestations are all examples. This "cowboy" self-reliance is deeply ingrained into our culture and our spirit. So deeply that it is elevated as something to aspire to. But the tragedy and fallacy of this mythology is that we are much more effective, much happier and frankly just plain better when we are truly operating as part of an effective and focused team.

Don't misunderstand me, real individuals are thrust into circumstances where they selflessly act every day. They are true heroes. But as a generality, we are wired to work with others, to rise to a higher level and be driven by our peers. To bring out the best in each other by working cooperatively for the collective benefit and collaborative goal.

This is the kind of environment where we thrive and really grow as individuals because we are part of a team. Whether it is inside a marriage, a family, a friendship, a partnership, a company or a spontaneous gathering - identify the common need and commit to that goal as one focused force where the sum of each component acting synchronously far exceeds the effectiveness and power of the individual.

If you lead an organization foster this. If you are led, initiate it a lower level and nurture it. One solitary man or woman can make a difference, and that difference is focusing the energies and spirit of the group. Be that person in that group. Remember wolves don't hunt alone, they work in packs.

Happy Birthday #1. How your birth changed my perceptions forever.

2009-08-17T07:41:00.000-04:00

Today is #1's birthday, so most importantly, Happy Birthday #1 -I love you very much and hope that you have a wonderful day!

Prior to his birth, being a parent was never real to me. Even though I watched my wife grow larger, saw the ultra-sounds, was with her when she went into premature labor and then sentenced to bed rest for 8 weeks, actually having a baby was more surrealistic than realistic. The entire concept was an abstraction, the scheduled Cesarean was a date marked on the calendar, a day when I would not go to work. A day with other events scheduled before and after. I was completely naive, selfish and simply unprepared for the remarkable ramifications that would unfold.

A little back story for those who don't know me: growing up I could be characterized as difficult. I probably got into more trouble than the average kid. I could be mean, insensitive, aggressive and generally difficult. I gave my parents, my JHS teachers and peers a tough time. I was a bit more subdued while attending a private HS but some of the more wild traits re-emerged in college and beyond. By the time I met my wife and got married in late 80's I was more "mature" but certainly still aggressive and prone to rage, especially when frustrated. My view of the world and overall philosophy could be characterized as zero sum or all or nothing. Your gain was my loss and my gain, well I didn't really care about the ramifications of my gain. If you were not with me you were the enemy.

Back to August 17, 1994. While my wife was in the OR, I was outside, trying to get my scrubs on when the anesthesiologist burst out and rushed me inside. I saw my wife on the table and her insides were literally on a tray as the Ob/Gyn was extracting my son. He looked perfect, like a movie prop (as all Cesarean babies are -they don't get squeezed during delivery). My wife was fine and she held him. I was pretty scared to hold him, frankly more scared than each of the times when I was shot at, but I did it anyway. And I think that is when it hit me. That was when my life began to turn, when my anger, fear and aggression began to dissolve.

When I held my son I had an epiphany; I realized that everyone on this earth is some-one's child. And that someone hopefully loves them as much as I loved this little boy. And further, they may even be some-one's mother or father, they may be a person who loves their kids and is loved by their kids.

My perception was changed. I was changed. I was made more human by understanding our commonality. Black, White, Asian. Christian, Jew, Muslim. Male or female. It doesn't matter, we were all born and we were all someone's child. With that understanding, how can we not love and feel compassionate to each other?

Thank you #1, you and your brother have changed my life forever for the better. I do and will always love you both. I am forever grateful that you guys came into my life.

is pressure to perform without expectation really pressure to perform?

2009-08-15T03:30:00.000-04:00

Haven't blogged for a while because the kids have been away. As it turns out, they actually read my stuff and find it interesting, even insightful. Its still unclear if they hear me when I speak -OK, I do tend to implore the Socratic method, meander into abstraction and then find my way back using various metaphors to illustrate key points- but they do find it interesting, as do 161 other people who read this around the world -that in and of itself blows me away.....

But now #1 is back and #2 is returning in 5 days. I need to actually memorialize something that is worthy of a passing comment on the way out of the house, or at the very least, a raised eyebrow. I have to say, I do enjoy the pressure to perform but I really don't have any expectations of how that performance will be manifested. So what am I actually enjoying?

How to torment yourself (or not).

2009-07-20T08:40:00.000-04:00

Life becomes more meaningful once the habitual addition of meaning to events inside that life ends. Or put another way, stuff happens because it happens. Its not personal, its just life.

For example, its a beautiful day and you are driving along on the highway when suddenly a car driven by a girl speeds past on your right* and then abruptly changes lanes, cutting you off. If you want to torment yourself, simply choose to make it about YOU. She cut YOU off. She singled YOU out and did this to YOU. This always happens to YOU. Why are all the bad drivers on the road when YOU are on the road. Why are YOU always stuck in traffic.Why does this always happen to YOU.

Or choose to see the situation for what it is. There is a girl driving a car dangerously. She is cutting people off at random. Simply let her pass by and enjoy your the rest of your life.

*for our readers in the UK, it is a violation to pass on the right in the US.

Why you are not the person in the mirror.

2009-07-14T04:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry but you are not who you think you are. You are not who you look like. You are not your body and you are certainly not your clothes, your car, your house or apartment, your job or even your country. The mirror offers an illusion, a transient glimmer of a reflected delusion. Do not be distracted by it. Smash it and forget it ever existed.

WTF?? Consensual Delsuion is in the top 50 blogs under "living"!

2009-06-27T13:06:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am as surprised as you are. Probably even more surprised. Definitely more surprised. When son #1 heard this he remarked "Dad, those other blogs must really suck, but congratulations anyway." Thank you #1 and thank you everyone else for reading.

Don't worry. Define it. Then be happy.

2009-06-23T02:07:00.000-04:00

As complexities increase so do anxieties. Focusing on the symptoms, imagined effects or potential ramifications in any given situation just serves to push oneself further into the deep end. And if you can't swim or more precisely can't get yourself to acknowledge that you have to swim, you're going to panic, sink and then unfortunately drown. The point is that in any given situation, it is critical to define the situation as opposed to being overwhelmed by the situation. Then one is free to choose an appropriate response rather than being a slave to reaction.

What did you do today?

2009-06-13T02:59:00.000-04:00

My friend Peter O'Grady expressed this so eloquently that I have nothing to add. Well, almost nothing.

"We still have a long way to go when even the documentations of a vast human tragedy are a target. "Never again!" Can't say that enough."

Never again. To anyone. At anytime. Anywhere. They are our responsibility as we are theirs.

Maybe we should have our kids ask us at dinner what we did to stop genocide today? Or end hunger. Or illiteracy. Or poverty. Or oppression. Or slavery. Or pollution and on and on........

Spin things around and look at them anew.

2009-06-11T08:36:00.000-04:00

If you want to break free, or just breakthrough, start challenging your assumptions. Just because you have been told something is one way over and over again, doesn't mean that it actually is that way. For example, at one point, learned consensus held that the world was flat, draining the blood of the ill would cure them or that gravity was the attractive force between objects with mass*. Each of these "facts" were held as truths when supported by the rules and assumptions of their respective time periods. And each of these "facts" were undone by unconventional thinkers who dared to challenge the most basic of assumptions and then chose to view events from a new vantage point which led to their breakthroughs.

*huh? It is now considered to be a measurable effect created by the displacement of space-time by an object of a particular mass -but who knows how long that will actually be true!

It is what it is.

2009-06-08T12:20:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been so wrapped up in how you think the world "sees" someone close to you that you were embarrassed by them? Hold that feeling and take the emphasis off of you. Now shift the emphasis on them. How do you think they felt or would have felt, had they perceived that you were embarrassed? Would they be hurt? Would they feel betrayed. Now you really have something to be embarrassed about.

Advice to gradutes

2009-06-08T07:45:00.000-04:00

To all those newly minted BAs, BSs, MBAs JDs etc, I can't offer you a single word like "plastics" but I can offer you two words: The Future. Don't pick a job or a career based upon present conditions and certainly don't pick one based upon past conditions. Stretch your mind, forget about the rigid realities established by your education and instead try focus on what you think will be important to future you in 5, 10, 20 or even 40 years. Start there and adapt freely as you advance. This is an opportunity, make the most of it. If this helps, remember to have future you pass it on when appropriate.

Failure must always be an option: part 1 -Fear

2009-05-28T04:48:00.000-04:00

"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way."
George Herman "Babe" Ruth

At least once in our lives, but more likely several times, I think everyone has avoided doing something because we thought that we might fail. Or we might look ridiculous. Or maybe sound stupid. Our egos may have remained briefly unscathed, but what did we really loose? Perhaps it was an opportunity to find something which we may have truly enjoyed. Or missed the chance to get to know a genuinely wonderful person. Or maybe we lost an opportunity to raise a question or make a statement that could have made profound and enduring impact.

The magnitude of the victory is always defined by the potential of the failure. "Easy wins" are meaningless and hollow. "Sure things" only bring transient satisfaction. Reflect on the most rewarding, most exhilarating moments of your life and I would believe that failure was always a possibility. A possibility that did not stop you.

Enjoy the experience, and if you fail, remember no one is keeping count, they are all waiting to join you in celebrating your successes.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt

Hello. My name is Dan and I am an addict.

2009-05-22T08:15:00.000-04:00

I got a new coffee grinder on Tuesday, a proline burr model. A lot more machine than the 20 year old Krupps it was replacing. Was using it for the French press, setting it to #1 course grind with our "house blend", Gorilla Coffee's Brazilian dark roast. But I felt like something was missing from my life. I knew that I needed more. Flavored syrups were just not going to do it. Nor would steamed milk.

I got up at 5:00 AM on Thursday morning and decided to go for it: I switched to setting #8, espresso, then dusted off the old La Pavoni Europiccola, an ancient mechanical model that came with a video cassette and instruction book which clearly warned the user how potentially dangerous this machine was if operated incorrectly or even just casually. Frankly, at 5:05 AM, everything is casual, but fortunately there was no scalding, no exploding pressure vessels or no real harm of any mention done.

Normally comatose Son #1, a fan of "sleeping" on facebook, had 4 shots and proceeded to chat more in the 10 minutes before he caught his ride to school than he usually does in a whole week. Son #2 was actually scared to try any -just the day before, a cup of French press had induced the "Gorilla shakes". I lost count but I had 16 shots minimum yesterday. Maybe that's why after using the Wii, it calculated my fitness age to be 23.

Yes, my name is Dan and I am an addict. But I also like to think of myself as a coffee achiever, circa 1984.

Follow the link & enjoy: Join the Coffee Achievers: 1984 National Coffee Association advertisement

One perspective on time.

2009-05-19T09:49:00.000-04:00

Most people share a common perspective and understanding of time. Whether that common perspective is immutable or transient, right or wrong is not immediately relevant. What is relevant is that they share a common perspective. The true essence of time is not as a unit of measure to distinguish but as a means of synchronization to lead toward unification.

Being late to a meeting is a useless concept. Being in the meeting is important. Framing a worldview in terms of synchronization is significantly more productive than defining everything as a comparison.

To frustrate or be frustrated?

2009-05-05T03:36:00.000-04:00

Have you ever considered that when you find someone frustrating, they may be frustrated with you? Perhaps its root cause is a failure to articulate. Or possibly, a failure to understand. More than likely, it may just be a failure of actually listening, considering and extending empathy. As a culture, we place great value on our individuality and invest a lot of energy in being distinct, to the point that we may even delude ourselves. But in actuality, we are all more alike, both in form and function, than we are usually comfortable in admitting.

So the next time you feel frustration begin to build inside you, try asking yourself why you are frustrated. Is it an issue of articulation or comprehension? Or is it a polarization of thought, brought on by a lack of empathy. The truly honest and considered answer may surprise you.

The real fight.

2009-05-04T12:07:00.000-04:00

I enjoy boxing. More specifically, I enjoy actually sparring. While many consider it mindlessly brutal, dangerous and frankly stupid for two individuals to square off against each other in a confined space, I find it enlightening, expanding and remarkably calming. It has been my experience that you learn quite a bit about yourself while fighting. But you really get to know who you are, when you are under pressure; When you get tagged hard and didn't see it coming. Or when your opponent's punches seem to find their their target with regularity and precision, and your own body begins to slowly move out of phase with your thoughts. Your own punches seem to loose some crispness and you feel your focus drifting slightly, your attention going askew. That is when you begin to know who you really are. And more importantly, when you make the conscious decision to become better than when the contest began.

Sometimes our lives may progress smoothly but more often than not, we are engaged by one challenge or another. Some are unexpected, coming out of nowhere and stinging sharply. Others may be mere annoyances, almost insignificant alone but cumulatively taking a greater toll than previously imagined. Some of our challenges may not be so easy to define but the pressure is there never the less. It may begin to wear us down before we are even conscious of it. Regardless, at some point we do become aware and that is akin to being pressured in a fight. And there arises an opportunity to become real. To do something hard, perhaps even face something painful. To find our will, our strength and our desire in order to move forward. To take the opportunity to find out who we really are and what we can actually do. To honestly learn about our own weaknesses and faults and then work to correct them. And to provide us with an opportunity to exceed what we believed we were capable of, be it physically, emotionally or intellectually.

In my mind, fighting is never about my opponent. It is just about me. About my performance, my skills, my deficits and my growth. It is an opportunity to measure myself under a wide range of conditions so that I can improve, so that I can become better and perhaps one day, master myself. Removing external validation and keeping it only about ourselves, only about the momententary opportunity being presented, allows us to inch forward in pursuit of a singular goal, becoming a more loving, caring and empathic individual by understanding our own struggle. So even when others see only defeat, a victory is always assured, regardless of the circumstance and despite conventional judgements. Advancing to that point, that is truly the real fight.

choose one: crisis or opporunity.

2009-04-23T11:58:00.000-04:00

cri-sis: noun [krahy-sis]

a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, esp. for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.

op-por-tu-ni-ty: noun [op-er-too-ni-tee]

a favorable or advantageous circumstance or combination of circumstances; a chance for progress or advancement.

Crisis and opportunity. The actual definitions are very similar, in fact they share the same character in written Chinese. But because they each have such distinctly different and incredibly powerful connotations, their usage drastically colors our thoughts and influences our perception, of both our own lives and the larger world. Crisis implies a certain helplessness; a scared, and perhaps futile, reaction to a large, unknown and external force. Opportunity reflects a sense of confidence. A focused and purposeful response to the current conditions, designed to ultimately improve one's position.

Constantly changing circumstances are an immutable fact, both far outside our comprehension and our control. However, accepting change and then choosing to see and then act upon opportunities, rather than being swept aside by random crises, will yield a much richer and more meaningful life.

experience

2009-04-20T04:23:00.000-04:00

Pointed or pointless.

Pleasurable or painful.

Joyful or unbearably sad,

when everything is an experience,

nothing is ever wasted.

liberty and freedom

2009-04-19T12:03:00.000-04:00

Against my will and despite all protest,

I can be restrained, constrained and restricted.

I can be imprisoned, shackled and enslaved,

my body can be bound, beaten down and broken apart.

All to forcibly take my liberty.

But my freedom endures.

And as always,

it remains my mine and mine alone.

master planned obsolesence

2009-04-17T06:31:00.000-04:00

As a rule we get 1.5 billion heartbeats and then we stop. Our dogs and cats also get 1.5 billion heartbeats and then they stop. The same applies to mice, giraffes, whales, wallabies, manatees, monkeys, pigs and elephants. As a generality and applied to all mammals as a group, they have an absolute lifespan that is defined by 1.5 billion heartbeats. Some species have hearts that beat slower and some beat faster, that accounts for the different lifespans as measured chronologically.

It does not matter whether we believe that we are unified by some universal gene expression passed down through time via an evolutionary mechanism or that we are unified according to the larger plan of entity whose magnitude is far beyond our very limited ability to comprehend. What truly matters, is what actually is; that we are both unified with the life around us and that we are finite. Remember that and you will make every heartbeat count.

die once.

2009-04-15T06:18:00.000-04:00

Last summer, out of the blue, my dad asked me to go coffin shopping with him. This seemed a little strange so I asked him why. He said that he wanted to make sure that he looked good in his coffin. I asked him if he was planning to try them out and if so, did he want me to take pictures. We never went to the funeral home but we did go to lunch.

A few weeks ago he experienced a health scare. He had a 2nd urinary tract infection in a 3 month period. He saw his Urologist and underwent various tests. He was convinced that he had bladder cancer and that it was quickly spreading. He was upset. He is a type A person who was losing control and he really believed that his was living his last days.

Before the test results came back, I called him up and asked how he was. He told me that he was fine but that he knew he had cancer and that he was going to die. I told him that he was right, he was going to die. It might be today, tomorrow or it might be 30 years from now. He may very well have cancer or he might get hit by a bus. I didn't know why, when or how, but I assured him that he was right, he was going to die. My dad didn't say anything. After a momentary pause I told him that my advice is to not focus on a possible hypothetical outcome but rather to live life now and just die once.

The tests came back a few days later and it was found to be a simple urinary infection; the most likely cause was that the original infection was not completely resolved. He apparently does not have cancer but he does have a happy and grateful family that enjoys his company, quirks and all. We love you dad. Live your life and die once!

What values go into your friendships?

2009-04-15T04:32:00.000-04:00

My closest friendships all have one thing in common; all of these individuals bring out my best qualities. My standards are raised in their company. They challenge me, they push me emotionally, intellectually and/or physically. They force me to move outside my comfort zone and they elevate me to higher levels. And I doubt they are even conscious that they are doing any of this. That is just their nature.

instant repulsion?

2009-03-18T04:23:00.000-04:00

Have you ever met someone that just instantly repulsed you. Not an intellectual repulsion, but one from your core? Many times I have found that what is really upsetting me about the person is just a reflection of a character trait which I possess. A trait which I do not like or may not want to acknowledge I actually have.

As difficult and as infrequent as these interactions are, I relish them. While I always find it hard to engage these people, it is a personal challenge that is worth undertaking; these experiences provide me with an opportunity to explore a dark part of myself and to hopefully grow beyond it, allowing me to get to know another person, consciously unencumbered my own prejudice.

thoughts and actions

2009-03-17T06:10:00.000-04:00

Some believe that right action advances us to right thought. Others hold that the opposite is true; right thought brings about right action. In either case, the desired end result is achieving a state of both right thought and right action. Or to live a life, where one is more compassionate, more empathetic and more outwardly focused. And perhaps a life, where one is not so invested in an opinion such as the right way or the wrong way to actually live consciously, compassionately and with empathy.

Responding and reacting

2009-03-12T05:15:00.000-04:00

Responding is not reacting. Reacting is unconsciously automatic while responding is consciously decisive. Reacting abrogates our choice of thoughts and actions to the current environment. Responding aligns our thoughts and actions with our goals. Reacting is easy. Responding requires patience, practice and persistence.

Challenge yourself by examing your thoughts and actions. Begin to cultivate the habit of response. Ultimately responding will become reaction.

Open secret number 1: the reality of control

2009-03-12T05:07:00.000-04:00

We can't control the weather, traffic or the economy. We can't control our family, friends or the random people that may enter our lives. The only thing that we can actually control is how we respond; we can control ourselves. And taking control over ourselves is truly what really matters. It is the single most significant factor in making a difference in our own lives and the lives of those around us.

Is your reality really reality?

2009-03-04T08:15:00.000-05:00

The Wilkinson microwave anisotropy probe, aka WMAP, was launched in 2001. The larger mission of the probe was to retrieve residual data from "the big bang" and thus allow us to gain a greater understanding of our universe and its origins. What it actually accomplished was to change our understanding of what makes up reality.

Data from the WMAP has shown that the vast majority of our universe is composed of unknown matter and energy. This undefined dark matter makes up approximately 23% of the universe, while undefined dark energy makes up approximately 73%. That means that what has been conventionally understood to make up reality is just 4% of the actual universe. Further, the vast majority of that 4% is made up of hydrogen and helium (the stars), while the heavier elements (what we consider solid matter) is only approximately 0.03%.

So 96% of reality is not understood, not really quantifiable and apparently can't be directly perceived. Whereas everything with which we interact and what we believe that we understand only makes up between 0.03 and 4% of actual reality. The entire tangible and intangible world as we conventionally experience it, relate to it and interact with it is a statistically insignificant fraction of actuality.

So what is really real? Or more precisely, what is really significant? Are the things that we can hold more real or more significant than our thoughts and ideals? Are our emotions any less real or less significant than our actions? Are our perceived abilities more real and more significant than our unacknowledged limitations? Is our shared concept of reality any more real or more significant than own individual realities? Are the questions we ask any less real or less significant than the answers that we are given?

Don't count on 2nd chances

2009-03-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

You never know when this time will be the last time. Truly understanding that kind of permanence is very powerful and can have a profound impact on your life and the lives of those you encounter.

Simply treat each moment of each interaction as if it may be the last. You will become more cognizant and respectful of your time as well as the time of others. You will make sure that you take every opportunity to tell friends and loved ones how much you care. Your obligations will become conscious acts of kindness and respect. Insignificant confrontations will dwindle away. Grudges will vanish. Hatreds will fall aside. You will find yourself truly appreciating both your time alone and the time spent with others. Each and every moment will be a blessing. Each and every action, a willful gift to yourself and those around you.

Why blog now?

2009-02-23T13:40:00.000-05:00

Q -Blogging is so 2007, so why start now?

A-Because numerous people have encouraged me to share my thoughts and perceptions in some manner; blogging just seemed to be the most efficient way to accomplish that, from both the publishing and reading perspectives.

Q-What can be expected?

A-My goal is to encourage insight and to incite. To stimulate thought and provoke emotion. To calm and to disturb.

Q-How?

A-How indeed.