I don't care if you don't care.

No, I am not referring to the lyrics of Green Day's Jesus of Suburbia. It is how I continually explain to my kids, my brother and even my parents that I will support, help out and get involved in various aspects of their lives, but they need to lead. It is their lives, their choices. If its important to them, then it is important to me. If they are not going to take a stake in something, make the required investment and demonstrate effort, then they should not expect me to take responsibility for it.

The other night my brother called up and asked me to come over and help him out with something. It was late, the streets were icy and it would have been really inconvenient for me to drive the 30 minutes over to his place. I asked him to look for something, with the intent of eventually trying to talk him through what needed do be done and then if he could not do it, I would come over. But it didn't happen that way. He got annoyed and told me that he was not good at this kind of thing and he didn't want to look for the wire that I asked him to find. So I said good bye and hung up.

The next morning he called again and told me that he didn't appreciate how I acted or spoke to him. He was really angry. I said to him, "if you don't care enough about your own situation to try and work through it, then frankly I don't care either. If you call me up and ask for my help at 10:00 PM but can't take the time or show some effort and look for the wire that you need to solve your problem, you can't possibly expect me stop what I am doing and come over to your place."

He calmed down and thanked me for explaining my position to him. So I told him what to look for and we began working through his problem. And it was my pleasure to help him out.

You can't get there from here, because you are already there.

My friend, Rabbi Amy Joy Small, posted an article that illustrates how we can long for and even try to chase down simplicity but never actually achieve it. She points out that it is not just about doing less stuff, but that we actually need to take time for ourselves, to replenish and regain our perspective. For example, after a challenging day, Rabbi Amy comes home and says that she wants to be a muffin maker in her next life (how many Rabbis do you know that not only address but are making plans for their reincarnation?). But then she quickly recognizes that this is simply a transient reaction to the frustrations of her day, which still linger, fresh in her mind. And with that, she lets go of both the day and its associated stresses.

I would take her concept even further. From my perspective it is not about doing anything, be it doing more or doing less; it is about how we, as individuals, choose to perceive our own situations in any given moment. For example, on Monday you hate your job and you are determined to quit. On Tuesday you are let go. On Wednesday you wake up and desperately long for the job that you were about to quit 2 days before. Would you feel different if you actually quit on Monday? The end result is the same, it is just your perception of the moment that is different.

I've written about how our science is unable to understand or even identify what makes up "reality". Frankly it doesn't (or isn't) matter. Actuality simply is. Reality is an illusion, it is what we each choose to impart to actuality. My reality is not your reality. And its not hers or the cat in the box's reality. While they are all separate and distinct, they share many overlapping points of commonality which conveniently provide us with a frame of reference in which can interact and share experiences. It is those shared experiences, the interactions with those we love and care about, caring about and extending help to those who we don't and may never know and simply finding the value in a given moment which impart that elusive satisfaction into our own lives.

Lemonade: the movie

This is worth 35 minutes of your time. Things happen. Sometimes things happen that you just can't control. Stop reacting and start responding. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your life. Close your eyes and sit quietly. Deep down inside you know exactly what you want to do. What you need to do. Hold that thought for the next 35 minutes. Watch this movie. Be inspired. Be inspiring. Technorati Tags: Lemonade, responding

Uninvited to the party.

An old college friend brought this poll to my attention. It was taken by phone and comprised of 2003 registered Republicans that were spread across the US. The actual results of the poll are not surprising to me, they just clearly illustrate the degree of polarization that has taken hold among the US population.

I was a life long Republican, but over the last several years, I have become increasingly uncomfortable with many of the positions that the party has adopted. Positions, which I consider so extreme, that I can no longer participate in the process, within that framework. That said, the Democrats have also staked out some extreme positions, all be it, polar opposite from their Republican contemporaries. And as a consequence, our political system (in the US) seems to be caught between the proverbial irresistible force and the immovable object. From my perspective, politics on both sides of the aisle, are increasingly defined by personal agendas, short-sighted reasoning and intractable positions designed to remake the social fabric of the country into their respective images. The system has devolved into a battlefield of a zero sum ideological civil war, where the biggest losers are the ordinary citizens, whose interests, these politicos ostensibly represent.

When our nation was founded, assuming the mantle leadership resulted in significant personal sacrifices for the participating individuals. Most left behind farms, businesses and families in order to serve their fellow citizens. Being human, they certainly had differing opinions, personal quirks and were undoubtedly subject to the same desires, prejudices and insecurities that plague us today. However they somehow managed, as individuals, to transcend their petty differences and personal weaknesses and embrace a commonality of purpose thus governing with higher ideals.

So where are those men and women today who can govern in that same spirit of unity for the clear benefit of the entire citizenry and our nation's future? I believe that for the most part, these individuals are already in place. They simply need to remember why they are there in the first place and they too can cast aside divisive reactionary behaviors and move beyond petty agendas. However it is incumbent upon us, as citizens, to remind them of who they can become and what they can accomplish. Now lets do our part so they can do theirs.

Technorati Tags: Republican, Democrat, Daily Kos

now easier and more convenient than ever...

I am both surprised and humbled by the continual increase in traffic to this blog. To those that take the time to read it, I genuinely thank you. In an effort to make it both more accessible and convenient, I have set-up parallel feeds on Google’s blogspot service and the Wordpress hosted service.  If you find this blog useful, insightful or entertaining in anyway, I would sincerely appreciate it if you recommend it to a friend.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read Consensual Delusion. I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

DK